Editor's note: Anna Starkey was camping in Death Valley last weekend, so Glen tapped his hair stylist and favorite stand-up comic, Cori Ramsey, to co-write this week's review.
Jake Kasdan (Orange County, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, Bad Teacher, Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle) directs this holiday comedy-adventure about Santa Claus (J.K. Simmons), code name "Red One," who's kidnapped, leading the North Pole's Head of Security Callum Drift (Dwayne Johnson), to team up with a notorious bounty hunter, Jack O'Malley (Chris Evens), to embark on a mission to save Christmas. (123 min.)
Glen: Considering Hollywood's penchant for churning out big-budget, CGI-rich superhero flicks, it stands to reason we'd eventually get a superhero Christmas movie complete with The Rock and Captain America/Loki/Human Torch. This one opens 30 years ago with young Jack O'Malley (Wyatt Hunt) ruining Christmas for his cousins by arguing that Santa isn't real. No wonder he's been a lifelong member of the Naughty List, which we learn was started by Santa's brother, Krampus (Kristofer Hivju), and stolen by winter witch, Gryla (Kiernan Shipka), to once and for all punish the world's bad people. The film's got a lot to accomplish. Thoroughly unscrupulous adult Jack has an estranged teenage son, Dylan (Wesley Kimmel), to reconcile with. Head of Security, Cal Drift, has to sort through his crisis of faith in humanity. Oh, and there's that whole "save Christmas" thing. Whew.
Cori: Why wouldn't you want to add more action into your Christmas movie? Have you ever wondered what Daddy Santa looked like? What if Santa was ripped and kind? What if his right-hand elf was bigger than him? What if Nick Kroll were one of the bad guys in a heart-racing heist film about good vs. evil that contains every trope from every genre? Jack O'Malley is your classic handsome, smart guy who never lived up to his potential morally. He could have had it all, but he blew it because of his pesky nihilism. By the time the opening credits were done, we knew Jack -- a genius who happened to be on the Naughty List because he used his big brain for selfish reasons. Conversely, the real villain of this story was a woman, I mean a witch, Gryla. She and Santa's brother, Krampus, really felt Santa had been too easy on Earth's children. The Naughty List was too lax. So they did what anyone would do. They kidnapped Santa so The Rock and the hot guy have to go get him while they both face their own demons.
Glen: When you put it like that, the film seems even more ridiculous than I already thought -- another "check your brain at the door" flick. But I have to admit, I found parts emotionally resonant. We want Jake and his son to bond, we want Jake to grow some scruples, we want Krampus and Santa to reconcile, and we want Cal's faith restored. I just wish it was funnier. Amusing? OK, but I don't think I laughed aloud once, though seeing Simmons as Santa grinning like a jackal as he puts his sled into overdrive might alone be worth matinee price.
Cori: Go into this film with the knowledge that you'll never be bored. It ticks every box. This movie has it all! It's the same heartwarming redemption story of holiday cheer we re-create every year, just bigger, faster, and stronger. I laughed out loud a few times because it was delightful to see every cheesy idea they had in that writers room come to life. There were times when I couldn't remember if it was an action film, a horror film, or a buddy comedy. We got to see them through a very emotional journey to save Christmas, and I didn't look at my phone once! This film was exactly what it was supposed to be. Your dad will love it.