We've all been fed the same love story since childhood: Find the one, fall in love, live happily ever after. It's in every rom-com, every tearjerker wedding toast and every dating app profile promising that true love is just a swipe away. But what if that whole idea -- the notion that love is about discovering your predestined other half -- is actually ruining your relationships? What if the problem isn't that you haven't found "the one" yet, but that you're looking for something that doesn't exist?

Here's the truth: The idea of a soulmate is one of the most damaging myths in modern dating. It convinces people that love should be effortless, that relationships should just work and that when things get hard, it must mean they're with the wrong person. Spoiler alert: That's not how relationships function in real life.

This "right person myth," as pastor and author Andy Stanley calls it, is the belief that if you just find the perfect person, everything else will fall into place.

"In every area of life, we understand that preparation is the key to success," Stanley says. "But when it comes to relationships, we think commitment alone will be enough."

Basically, we train for careers, we work for promotions, we put effort into our hobbies -- but when it comes to love, we expect to just trip into a flawless relationship.

And that's why so many people feel stuck. They get into relationships and then panic at the first sign of struggle, convinced they must have chosen wrong. Or they spend years holding out for some mythical person who will just get them and make everything easy. But here's the thing: No one is naturally good at relationships. The best ones aren't the product of fate; they're the result of work.

Another major reason the soulmate myth is a disaster? It tricks people into prioritizing chemistry over actual compatibility. People think a fiery connection is proof of long-term success, but let's be real -- passion fades and bad communication lasts. If you want a relationship that actually works, you have to ask better questions than, "Do we have insane chemistry?" Try, "Do we communicate well? Do we share the same values? Do we handle stress in a way that's not completely destructive?" Because, fun fact: Infatuation won't help you solve conflict, but emotional maturity will.

Sex complicates this even further. A lot of people assume that sexual compatibility is what makes or breaks a relationship, but in reality, it's the easiest part.

"Sexual compatibility is easy," Stanley points out. "Relational compatibility is not."

In other words, it's a lot harder to find someone who shares your vision for life than it is to find someone you have good physical chemistry with. And when sex happens too early in a relationship, it can mask real issues, creating a false sense of closeness that eventually crumbles when deeper incompatibilities surface.

Then there's the breakup factor. People don't end relationships because the sex was bad -- they end them because of conflict, emotional disconnect, or realizing they have nothing in common beyond a shared Netflix account. But because our culture treats sex as the central ingredient in relationships, people get blindsided when great chemistry doesn't equal long-term compatibility. The reality? A solid relationship isn't about whether you have an electric spark; it's about whether you can actually build a life together.

So, if waiting for a soulmate is a bad plan, what's the alternative? Here's the not-so-sexy truth: Instead of searching for "the one," start working on being the one. Stop focusing on finding someone perfect and start focusing on becoming a person who is capable of a great relationship. Ask yourself: Am I emotionally mature? Do I communicate well? Can I handle conflict like an adult instead of ghosting or passive-aggressively sending "K" texts? Am I self-aware enough to recognize my own baggage instead of blaming every failed relationship on my exes?

At the end of the day, relationships aren't about luck or destiny or meeting someone who magically makes everything feel effortless. They're about showing up, choosing someone and putting in the work. The healthiest couples aren't the ones who were cosmically fated to be together -- they're the ones who are committed to growing together. Love isn't a scavenger hunt for the perfect person. It's about becoming the right person and choosing someone who's doing the same. That's the real secret to a lasting relationship. And it's way better than waiting for some nonexistent soulmate to show up and fix everything for you.